#MMDMM

If you're unfamiliar with that hashtag then you are missing out on one of the greatest things out there. And that thing is actual a person. And that person is my big seester, (Hashtag) Majic the Modern Day Miracle Mom. Most people just call her Melanie. It's her birthday today.

HBD, MMDMM.

Diabadass

* Disclaimer: I didn't write this to get sympathy or pity. Just simply trying to give you a look at my life through my eyes *

November is National Diabetes Month!

People often ask me what being diabetic is like.

So over the last few weeks I documented some of these instances.  

This is what I'll caption "The Night Prowler." I got up in the middle of the night with low blood sugar and here is the blood stained wall from stumbling through the dark to the kitchen for a pack of fruit snacks or two.

This is what I refer to as a "double gusher." Often times when I test my blood sugar, old puncture wounds re open and I bleed from multiple spots. Yummy right?

My fingertips are constantly raw and bruised from testing my blood sugar levels around ten times a day. Yolo.  

Sorry for the lack of body coverage. But when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror sometimes it's hard to not feel like a robot.

So if I'm ever in a bad mood, maybe it's because I'm constantly being stabbed by a couple of things.



My health has been less than superb recently, but it has taught me so much and I am so grateful for that. (Believe me: I'm not always so optimistic, but I've been trying to do a better job of finding the lessons in my trials.) One of the main lessons being that you never know what someone else's struggle is just by looking at them. I'm sure most people look at me and think all is well because there's no visible sign that something is wrong. But under my clothes I have a little tube and discman-like machine that is pumping me full of insulin--my life support. I have blood sugar swings and frustrations and really hard days. But so does everyone to one extent or another.

I would never wish to have this chronic disease or to live with the daily struggles that I do, but I wouldn't exchange the lessons I have learned throughout my experience with it for anything.


Be kind. Love people. Always give others the benefit of the doubt. Life is too hard to not do those things.  We all need the friendship and support of others.  You never know what someone else is facing. I have been blessed to have people placed in my life who have helped me and uplifted me more than I could ever possibly show appreciation for.

Suck it, diabetes.

Six decades in the making

The whole family worked it out so we could fly in and surprise my dad for his 60th birthday.

He tries not to look too pleased, but I promise he is happy to be sandwiched in the middle of all of his ladies.

It was an amazing weekend. Rarely are we all in the same place at the same time so it was special to get to be together and spend time laughing and joking and fighting and loving. I made a short video of the weekend and had a blast doing it and reminiscing on it all.

Oh Oh, Those Summer Nights

My summer nights pretty much consisted of spending time with Trevor. And I'm not complaining.

Painting my toe nails. Earning major boyfriend points. 

Death Cab for Cutie Concert

Imagine Dragons concert. Excuse my haggard appearance. I had spent the ER the night before. 

Speaking of the ER, Trevor stayed with me the whole time and even slept on two folding chairs pushed together. I'm a lucky girl to have such a good guy by my side. 

Oh and we may have mini golfed once or twice. 

And by once or twice I mean a lot more than that. And we had a blast every time.
I call this picture "Laura if she were to start body building." Maybe my arms are always that big but to make myself feel better I'll say it's just a poor photograph. Trevor looks cute though. As always.

Most photogenic couple award.

chiquitabonita

Where do I even begin with Emily? She is intelligent, creative, beautiful, and kind. She's also frustrating, impatient, and impulsive. But I wouldn't have her any other way. That's what big sisters are for. To irritate us and push us to the end of our ropes but love us more than anyone else ever could. 

She is one of my best friends and I can go to her for anything. I am so lucky to have her.

Happy Birthday! May this year bring us closer than any year before it. I love you sis!

I'm always having to keep her together ;)

BriBri & JoJo Fo Sho Sho : A Wedding to Remember

Growing up I was a pretty shy and introverted girl. I didn't always have a lot of close friends in my life I felt like I could count on.  When I got to high school and finally broke through my shell, I was blessed to find some great people to form bonds with. 

There's something pretty special about friendships where you can all go your own way and lead your separate lives and still come back to pick things up right where you left off.  

Arizona, Utah, Texas, Tennessee, Kansas, Missouri, D.C.  Thank goodness for the daily snapchats and use of every other social media keeping us all together even when we're so far apart! 

Brian went off to school at Missouri State and found the love of his life and got us all back together this weekend to celebrate his wedding day. I feel so grateful to be able to have been a part of it and am excited to officially welcome Jordan into this group where she already fits so well! 

So much affection.

I can't imagine life without these guys. Life is taking us all in such different directions and we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like to but I'm grateful for happy occasions like this that bring us all back into each other's arms where we belong. 

Love goofing off with these guys. We're pretty cute. 

#YO22O

This last year of my life has been pretty eventfully uneventful. I feel like I've changed and grown in a lot of ways but there weren't necessarily big dramatic moments that changed me. Just new life experiences and perseverance through hard times and lessons learned.

I've made some new friends the last few months who I know were put into my life at a time when I needed them the most.  They made me feel like such a superstar today showering me with their love and good deeds. Couldn't have asked for much better!

I'm looking forward to 22 and all of the new and exciting adventures it will bring.

This is the only picture (of a picture) I even have from my birthday.
I'm a pretty huge fan of everyone featured. 

Jill Elixabeth, Esquire

My sister Jill is one of the coolest people I know. She's intelligent, clever, funny, well-traveled and well-versed in all things Backstreet Boy. 

A favorite memory I have of Jill is when I was in elementary school and Jill took me to one of the high school basketball games with her. That night our high school (SM South) played their rivals (SM East) anddddd we lost. She was holding my hand and we were walking through the parking lot back to her car as some boys yelled out of their truck window "South sucks!" And then Jill, sweet, soft-spoken Jill, cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled "YOUR MOM SUCKS!"

At that moment I knew I had the coolest older sister out there. 

We may have been members of the Anti-Cuddle Club but we still know how to love.

Happy Birthday, Jill! May age thirty be flirty and thriving.

Carroo Carroo

Carrie is ten years older than me. I've always thought it was so cool having a mature older sister. When she'd come back from college in the summer time I wanted all my friends to see her and know she was with me.

I have fond memories of Carrie helping tuck me in to bed when I was younger. She would come in my room and scratch my back and talk to me about her life and I'd drift off to sleep feeling like the coolest little sister in the world.

Carrie is a mom now and has some of the luckiest kids out there. It's fun seeing her grow and live her life and get cooler all the time.

She's pretty great.

Mumsy

My mom has told me several times that she thinks the reason she had all daughters is because she needed a sister growing up. And Heavenly Father knew that and gave her five of them!

I love my mom more than I feel capable of expressing. She is the strongest person I know and deserves more good things than she will probably ever receive.

 She is my sister for eternity. I'm the luckiest.

Yes it's real even if he's fictional

"Gilbert, I'm afraid I'm scandalously in love with you." -Anne Shirley

If you're like me, then you have probably gotten so absorbed into a book you were reading that you developed a crush on one of the characters.  It doesn't matter that they are fictional--you still get giggly when you read their name. For me, that character was Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables.

Step aside, Mr. Darcy.  Gilbert's in town. *swoon*

Anne of Green Gables is probably my favorite book series. I could read the books over and over. In fact, I have. I'm weird enough that I've even (for fun!) annotated the books and marked passages that struck me as particularly amusing or insightful so I can go back and reread them when I need a quick pick-me-up. *pushes up nerd glasses*

The proof.

These books are simply exquisite in story and sentence. I adore Anne Shirley and her ability to make the mundane world seem magical.  All of the people in these books are charming. Which is probably why I love Gilbert so much. He is selfless, caring, generous, goes out of his way to show his love for Anne and always comes to her rescue. When you're first introduced to him he's this confident and cocky school boy that you never think you'd like but overtime you're introduced to his depth and many wonderful qualities. 

Gilbert is persistent. He continues to show his regard for Anne even when she doesn't return it. Even when she's just plain cold. Even when she's just too stubborn and scared to confess her own true feelings. (I know dat feel, Anne!)   He's patient. He's ardent. He's a good communicator. He's affectionate. He's just too freakin good to be true!

I haven't had the chance to read very much for pleasure recently because I've been so busy with school work. But I've had a bit more free time on my hands than usual recently so I decided to crack open this classic. And I'm so glad I did. I forgot how much fun reading is! You get to go on this amazing adventure and escape reality for a bit. I love reading. Because I think we can all agree that sometimes it's just more fun to live in your imagination than it is to live in the real world.

"It's delightful when your imaginations come true, isn't it?"

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I started writing this post and then a few days later saw the news that Jonathan Crombie, the actor who played Gil in the movies, had passed away. Coincidence? Synchronicity Theory?? It doesn't matter. All I know is that a little piece of my heart died today. 

What is Love?

If this is happening to you because of that title....then ur welx.


So it's February 14th. As someone who has been unattached most every Valentine's Day of her life, February 14th has never been a big day for me. And honestly I've never felt cheated or mad about it before because why would I? I'm all for celebrating love and happiness and genuinely revel in others good fortune.
But this year was different. This year I've had a raging case of baditude. As the angst and cynicism boiled inside of me, the less and less happy I've felt about the approaching holiday.

And I began wondering what even is love?  So I comprised a list in my mind of what love is to me:
Love is letting someone wipe their snot on your coat sleeve.
Love is putting on costumes and going bowling on a week night and ignoring the judgmental stares from on-lookers.
Love is being with someone who makes mundane tasks feel enjoyable.
Love is telling someone stories you've never told anyone else before.
Love is feeling worth it.
Love is making someone a truly disgusting dessert and eating every last bite of it while you celebrate a made up holiday.
Love is giving someone the last bite of your favorite ice cream.
Love is laying out in the grass together on a bright Sunday afternoon.
Love is knowing someone's flaws but never mentioning them.
Love is laughing when you've just been crying because sometimes life is just stupid and beautiful.
Love is learning that you're not perfect.
Love is realizing that being perfect is boring.
Love is accepting who you are. Love is loving yourself.



I've had too many people tell me what love is or what love is supposed to be but I think it's situational. Love isn't one size fits all. I don't necessarily believe that love is having someone and every time you see them your heart does a back flip and your mind is in a tizzy. I think it's more that when you are with them you feel secure and calm inside. Because they know you and you trust them. Being with them feels like being wrapped in a soft warm blanket drinking hot cocoa on a cold rainy day. It's laying your head on their chest and hearing their heart beat and it giving you butterflies in your stomach.

But again, that's just my opinion. I think it's different for everyone.

Here's the thing--I'm weird. But so is everyone! Everyone is weird in their own way. All happy relationships are is when two weird people are lucky enough to find each other, fall into mutual weirdness and call it love.

So maybe one day I'll find it. Maybe I already have and just haven't allowed myself to know it yet.

For now, I leave you with my baditude valentine:

Stay sweet.